|
[15 Jun 2005|09:57pm] |
|
i never knew you could act this way towards me
|
|
| NO TITLE FOR YOU. |
[09 Jun 2005|10:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dorky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Linkin Park - Faint |
] |
Hurhur, yar! We r teh liek,,,.. bestets! HURHURHRURHUR!!!!!!!!
wat wuld u do w/o uz!!!?!!?!!?!?!?21?!#4255&$%@!
|
|
|
[09 Jun 2005|10:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ditzy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
SIMPLE PLAN. SHUTUP |
] |
OMG!!!
I LUV RAE & TAY SOOOO MUCH!!!!!345560!
They r teh BOMB!
I wish I could b lik them, becuz then my life would b COMPLETE!
|
|
| makes her feel damn w o r t h l e s s |
[07 Jun 2005|08:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Matchbox 20 - Girl Like That |
] |
It's strange, the smallest thing set me off today. My mom came into my room and after a while asked to see a picture of Faylinn, so I showed her. We were looking at it and she asked me what color of collar I'd like to get her, and immediately I said 'Not red' because that's the color Dirk's was, and she said that she understood why I didn't want it that color, but she thought it'd befitting on her (she's probably right, but I still don't want Faylinn to wear a red collar). Thankfully she left almost after that, and I cried to myself.
I thought I was doing really well, maybe I'm not as fine as I thought I was.
|
|
| there's no getting back to g o o d |
[04 Jun 2005|08:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Matchbox 20 - Back 2 Good |
] |
01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o’clock to you, I’ll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I’ll tell you the most memorable moment I’ve had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I’ll then tell you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.
I think I might drop dead because I am so tired. Had a blast last night at Sarah's. Didn't go to bed until something after 3, but didn't fall asleep until after 4 because I have a slight problem falling asleep in other people's houses...I don't know why.
Left her place just after 2, got home at 2:30ish, and then had my shower. At that point it was 3 and I went downstairs to help my dad with laying out the laminate flooring. We finished about 15 minutes ago. Well, not finished, but took the rest of the night off.
...Five days!
And I just found this, and it's the saddest thing ever. Reminds me of Dirk. ;;
if tears could build a stairway
and memories were a lane
we would walk right up to heaven
and bring you back again
no farewell words were spoken,
no time to say goodbye,
you were gone before we knew it
and only God knows why
our hearts still ache in sadness
and secret tears still flow
what it meant to lose you
no one will ever know
we know you want us to mourn for you no more
to remember all the happy times
life still has much in store
since you'll never be forgotten
we pledge to you today
a secret place within our hearts
is where you'll always stay
|
|
| hey your glass is e m p t y |
[31 May 2005|06:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sarah McLachlan - Good Enough |
] |
Annette emailed me this morning, and told me AWESOME news. Faylinn is officially mine, well, as soon as I pay her the $400 that I owe her. I need three dollars in order to make the change I've accumulated to have $20, and then I'll con someone in my house to give me a bill for it all. Perhaps my mom will do that. Because she loves me.
I also have a new picture of Fay, if you want to see it, just ask me.
Friday was a lot of fun - besides the fact that I had been nauseous all day. I got a lot of compliments about how I looked, which made me feel good. Lou, Joel's mom, even said that she thought I was the most beautiful girl at the grad. I was very flattered.
Joel and I danced. He dances well, and he says I dance well (However, I think he's FULL of it!). However, I think this is pretty sad, but I don't remember what song we were dancing to. Oh wait. I remember one song. Bryan Adams sang it, Here I Am, I think. All I remember is that it was on Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.
After the dance we went back to Tyler's and launched fire works (after Joel, Sam and Amy showed uppppp, slow pokes). The four of them go hammered beyond belief. I only had a small shooter thing, which was rather good. Didn't get to sleep until after 4, and woke up just after 8 Saturday.
( Prom pictures )
|
|
| this is my heart bleeding before y o u |
[25 May 2005|08:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jewel - Foolish Games |
] |
It's amazing to realize that the few things I've been looking forward to since Dirk died are almost here and gone. I have my grad ceremony tomorrow, the banquet up in Sundre on Friday, and then I get Faylinn in two weeks.
'I like my leg. I've had it for as long as I can remember.' God that's brilliant.
And ironically, my foot hurts.
|
|
| might take some time to patch me u p |
[21 May 2005|12:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want |
] |
The Green Day concert kicked ASS. Our seats (which weren't really seats but on the ground) were in the freaking mosh pit. And it wasn't -that- bad of one, either. I did get sardined, and almost hit in the head a few times, but other than that it was awesome. We were really close to the stage, too. A few good meters, it was all awesome.
My Chemical Romance was awesome, which was not unexpected. They were a bit hard to understand, but I got around alright. The last song they played was none other thannnnnnnn....I'm Not Okay (I Promise). Green Day was awesome, too. Too much to really tell about what they did (and my mind is not great at the moment, my body is somewhat sore and my ears are ringing and I'm DEAF) so if you want to know, just message me and I shall tell!
After the concert was done, Memphis and I worked our way to where they were selling merchandise, waited in line for about five minutes, and they were sold out out of almost everything, so I didn't get anything. I'll just order stuff from their sites. But Memphis got a tote bag, which is super cool.
And now I'm going to collapse on my bed and die. And not move from my spot the whole day tomorrow.
|
|
| take me anywhere, i'm so a l o n e |
[15 May 2005|07:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Christine Evans - I'm So Alone |
] |
I think I've found a name for my puppy. You ready for this? Faylinn! (COPYRIGHT TAY WINDLEY 2005!) It's not 100% certain yet, but I'm pretty sure that'll be her name. It's one of the few names that has been popping up at me when I look at names.
My mom came into my room not to long ago, and asked if I needed someone to talk to, about Dirk, to just let her know and she'll find me someone to talk to. I love her so much. But, I don't know if I do need someone to talk to. I mean, I probably do, but I wouldn't know what to say. So, for now, I'll stick with it, with the help of my awesome friends.
Had another emotional roller coaster day, I seem to be up right now, but who knows when I'll crash again. Hopefully no time soon.
|
|
| don't wanna figure this o u t |
[12 May 2005|04:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Simple Plan - Don't Wanna Think About You |
] |
Today was not so bad, but had a few friends thinking that I was punched in the freaking FACE. It was kinda funny, but I've spent most of the day trying not to scratch my face, because it's itchy and sore. And it does look like I've been punched, if you're not two inches from my face. It's a nasty breakout of SOMETHING, and I might get to go to the walkin clinic tomorrow if it doesn't clear up, with my luck it'll be impetigo that I used to get a lot when I was younger. Rawr.
I had fun during my spare, D, Sarah and I were sitting at our usual table by the windows out to the garden (which, ironically enough, no one is allowed INTO) and I was just sitting there while I think they were talking, and my mind was wandering and somehow put something together. So, once they stopped talking I blurted out:
'Homicide
Homicide
There's homicide in the city'
Sing it to the tune of 'Silver Bells' and you'll HAVE it.
...Now to start my social homework.
|
|
| time rolls o n |
[29 Apr 2005|11:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Switchfoot - Amy's Song |
] |
Today was fun, well okay not fun, but...entertaining. Let me describe period by period.
Period one, my spare. After getting out of band, I make my way up to Ms. Kiefer's room to talk to Eric about our truly evil Physics project. We decided to work on it then, because I'm guessing he was ahead, or it wouldn't take him long to catch up. Anywho, I phone Sarah to tell her this, because I usually go to the library and just hang out with her until second period, when we go to Bio...anyways, when I called her my phone was picking up really annoying sounds, so I couldn't hear her, and after explaining to her (when I COULD hear her) that I wouldn't be down there, we hung up. I bet you she thinks I'm WEIRD. Mind you, she's not wrong.
Period two, Biology 30. Had a test. That is all.
'Lunch' break. The lunch break on Friday is not really for lunch, but just an extended break. Anyways, Sarah and I usually hang out in Mr. Rhode's room, because that's the class we go to after 'lunch'. He leaves the room, and we goof off. And here is my definition of 'we': pron. me. The desks in the room are attached to their chairs, and so I was standing on the chairs and moving OVER the desks to stand on the chairs of the desks either in front, or behind, the one I was standing on (depending on the way I was heading...yeah). And every now and then, my orange in hand (for I was eating an orange for 'lunch', for I am addicted to) I'd stop with one foot on one chair, the other on another, and gaze at the door and listen for the sound of keys. Keys, you ask? Yes, keys. Keys = Mr. Rhodes. I almost fell a few times, too!
Ah yes, and I was hopping up and down the isles between the desks. Sarah Vanilla then called me a bunny. And bunnies are cute, yes yes.
Period three, Social 30. Read newspaper, watched boring economics movie, got another textbook that makes my backpack now weigh 30lbs. I'm not sure, but I think I'm getting headaches when I'm carrying it around. Or at least that's what was happening today. Very, very strange.
Period four, Physics 30. Want to die. Took notes, did a few questions, then worked on ways on how to stop Physics from being created, or turned into a subject. I say we time travel, and kidnap Mr. Newton, before he can make his laws. And, y'know, anyone else connected with the subject.
After that, my dad drove me home and I found out that our modem had died. For it was not working. Hence the dyingness. We got it exchanged, obviously, because if we hadn't, I wouldn't be here typing this! And that, my friends who actually read this, was my day.
It's Friday, eleven weeks to the day (I'm sure most of you know what I'm talking about), and I'm in a good mood. Slowly improving, I've improved a lot in eleven weeks, but I don't think I'll ever be okay. Not like I was when he was still here, at least. I don't think there's been a day that's gone by that I haven't though of him, but I doubt there is ever going to be a day like that.
I have one more thing to say; for those friends who have stuck with me during this tough time, you should know who you are, thank you. I don't think I could have made through this without you guys being there for me. So, again, thank you. :3
|
|
| it's just a bad d r e a m |
[27 Apr 2005|04:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Brand New - Seventy Times 7 |
] |
For once, while updating this, I'm in a good mood. I was very hyper during Physics today, and it was actually not that bad - I did not want to try and kill myself from boredom. And, it seems that today was just overall a good day, I'm really hoping it stays that way.
I made a Dirk layout for myself, not that I hated Tay's because it was gorgeous, but I felt that I should change it. It's not nearly as nice as Tay's was, but, I still like it. I really like the colors, too. Very calming, as Sarah put it.
Uhm, yeah. I don't know what else to write. OH. News on my husky situation, I might be getting her in Mid-June from a litter that was born on April 14th. Here's the mom, Flurry. The dad, Hulk, and then the pictures of the puppies, they're the second from the bottom, above TJ.
I am melting into a puddle of Kay-Goo here. GOO I'M TELLING YOU, GOO.
(There you go, Sarah Vanilla, I updated for you. :3)
|
|
| on sleepless r o a d s |
[05 Apr 2005|10:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me |
] |
Figured I should post something, because I haven't in just under a month. It's not like a lot has happened either, life's pretty much the same. Long, boring, depressing. Y'know, life. Though I am doing much better, still have rough days here and there, but doing much better.
The last time I posted, I just wasn't in the mood to point out my new layout. It's super gorgeous, because Tay made it. She always does such a great job, so, thank you TayTay. :3
Spring break was super fun, too. Went up to Sundre, but we think I managed to give myself a very mild concussion. Just my luck, hey? XDXD It wasn't too terrible, I just slipped and hit my head, and was dazed for a moment or so, then had a killer headache. And then somebody asked Joel and Newmy if they knew where to get pot, but they called it 'groceries'. Seriously. People are dumb.
It's very frustrating when you want to read a book that you know you own, but you cannot find it. It annoys me greatly.
But, that is all. Lets see if I update before next month.
|
|
| goodbye's the hardest w o r d |
[10 Mar 2005|07:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Brand New - Mix Tape |
] |
Everyone says that it'll take time to feel better, but I really don't know. I thought I was doing alright, still cried, but crying's alright, right? But, this week...it feels as if I've just lost him all over again, and I just want to curl up on my bed and stay there for the rest of my life.
I know this is a cliché, but I feel ever since he's been gone, some part of me is gone, and it hurts, more than words can say.
I have so many people telling me, if I ever need to, I can talk to them. And, I need to talk to someone, but I just don't know what to say. It's like...what I feel and think cannot be put into words.
I'd give anything just to spend one more minute with him, just one more minute.
Apparently that's too much to ask.
|
|
| long time c o m i n g |
[28 Feb 2005|09:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
headachey |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I Promise) |
] |
As informed by Crystal yesterday, I need to post. But, I knew I should do it eventually, I can't keep avoiding it. It's been...17 days since I last posted, and I don't think anything worth talking about has happened. So, I'll stick with how I'm feeling.
I've had my up and down days, I've cried almost everyday because I miss Dirk so much. The only time I didn't cry was when I was up in Sundre, and that was for two days in a row. I thought I was doing pretty good, until I got home, that's when I just broke down and went into my room and cried.
I feel so lame for still being sad and depressed about losing him. Am I so stupid for being still upset about him? Granted, I'm better then what I was on the weekend that we found him, I'm no longer being a mole and hiding in my room, just away from everyone.
...You don't notice how much you love something, or enjoy having it around, until it's taken from you.
|
|
| ..... |
[11 Feb 2005|05:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
me. crying. |
] |
....Dirk's missing.
...We found him. And I'm gonna go cry now.
|
|
| forgot my d r e a m s |
[06 Feb 2005|12:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Green Day - St. Jimmy |
] |
Falallaaaa. Just because I was bored, I took pictures of my...messy room and decided to label. EVERYTHING. XDXD
( Come looks at mah room! )
|
|
| want it a l l |
[04 Feb 2005|07:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
3 Doors Down - The Road I'm On |
] |
Everyone look at the awesome spiffy new layout mah lodderly TayTayMcFayFay made me! It's PERFECT. And I lodd it to bits. :3
THANK YOU SO MUCH TAYTAY. THE LAYOUT OWNS.
School has been...foon. Actually, my SPARE has been fun. I have it with Sarah and D. So. We've been hanging out together, and it's awesome.
Uhhhh. That's about it. I'm leading a pretty boring life as of now. XDXD
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
kayru's journal